Do you really love me?
by Phlamingo
Summary: Will you forgive me? Because I'm so selfish, because I did not think for you... Because I left you here and never came back, will you forgive me Sanji? I will tell you everything from the moment we met, but from my perspective, will you understand the weight I carry? Sanji... please forgive me, because I cannot forgive myself.


It wasn't when Sanji got hit by that truck that Zoro be informed.

It wasn't when Sanji fought for life alone in that hospital's ER that Zoro knew what was happening to his ex-lover.

No, long after that.

It was weeks later, even after Sanji had been released from the special care unit that Zoro heard about him. It was until Zeff slowly accepted the fact that his son would never wake up again that he decided to call Zoro – someone he both liked and hated so much - to tell him about him. The phone call was barely understandable, just a few words but they had great impact. These words brought Zoro back to town, where his only love lay there so lonely, so silently and so hopeless.

"Hey Zoro.."

"Oh good afternoon mister. How are.."

"Please come back here Zoro... Sanji, he... I think you should meet him now. I know you're so far away but... you should come back..."

And after that, Zeff hung up the phone.

***  
Zoro met Sanji when he was still teaching at La Mer Bleu University, and Sanji was a young joyful student who believed in three things: love, people's goodness and the mysteries future could bring. Sanji's major was cooking while Zoro taught marital art. They had never met before, there was no reason that their ways should cross, oh but they did! How amazed Sanji was when he realized he was meeting the love of his life, and later on, the amazed feeling slowly turned into sadness when he silently prayed with God to take all the memories away. He could not bear to miss Zoro another day – someone who never called, never came back; oh he felt so sad each day gone by. Sanji just needed to forget everything, and thus, he gradually became a drinker. One day, he drank too much and walked the road unnoticedly when a truck from nowhere hit him so hard that people saw him flying up into the air – on that moment there was only two thoughts came from his mind: _Yes, just what I need, a reason to die. Thanks, God_ and the other was a name: _Zoro_. If that was two years before, he would easily curl up to protect his head but now he found no reason to love life that much. He was letting go, and actually, he enjoyed flying this way – even though he felt so dizzy, his body hurt so badly that it became numb. A smile on his face, he landed hard on the slowly-turning-red ground and closed his eyes, never to open them again.

***  
Zoro tried to call back but Zeff never picked up. He got worried, what if something bad happened to him? But then he comforted himself – that strong and flexible Sanji – even God can't touch him. Still, he got the earliest train back to town. There was no flight possible – just a small ocean town with salty scent filling the air, people walking around always smiling and a famous restaurant where his Sanji worked as sous chef. He hadn't come back since two years ago – sometimes he dreamt of this town – oh how he missed its long beautiful beach. But what he missed the most in town was him, his ex-lover, his only true love, the one who appeared in most of his dreams even when he tried to deny and never told anyone about how miserable his life was without Sanji. "He was the sunlight of my life, but that sunlight wasn't only mine." Oh Sanji, his Sanji, he is soon to meet him.

Sanji was lying so peaceful on the hospital bed. Since his brain was diagnosed dead, he was moved out of the ICU with so many "sorry" words from both doctors and nurses. There weren't many things they could do for him now, Zeff understood, but they should not be saying sorry, it was not their fault. "It was Sanji's" – sadly and angrily, Zeff thought to himself. "And Zoro's".

***  
Closed his eyes, Zeff hold on his son's right hand with both his hands. The right hand was a treasure to every chef, and his son was far more than just a chef, he was a genius. But it was so cold now. He barely felt any warmth in his son's skin anymore. A single tear escaped his eye. He had been crying for weeks, he could not stop – and while people persuaded him to let him go, he chose to keep his Sanji "alive" this way. Even when he knew his son would never look at him again with his so blue eyes, he cannot bear to lose him to the sea forever. _He still looks just like when he sleep, don't you see, who said he was dead, who? He_ _ **is**_ _alive, oh Sanji, your old man will try to keep you alive. Sanji, Sanji, why don't you look at me and see how hard it is for me to live this life without you? Oh but I won't. I will follow you, I will... but only after I fulfill your wish... Neh eggplant, didn't you said to me you will wait for him for two years? Didn't you said you will be with me till I die? Why don't you keep your promises? Why don't you?... Two years, two more days and it will be two years. Old man will keep you alive, old man will keep promises for you, I won't let anyone unplug your life supporting machine, oh my eggplant, my silly eggplant. He's not worth it, he's not worth to be loved, especially by you. Eggplant... Can I kill him?_

***  
Zoro came to the Baratie but he found no one. The restaurant was closed. The neighbor said that since Zeff's son got into that accident, no one saw him around and even the other chefs disappeared. Zoro was shocked. Accident? Accident? What accident? The word rang inside his mind like a loudly bell; he barely saw things clear anymore, he felt like vomiting. - _What happened to him, do you know_? – _Oh I heard that he was dead. Oh stop, hands off me, I didn't see him lately, it was just what people said._ Zoro realized he had just grabbed the man's collar, shakingly, he dropped his hands. – _He is in the hospital, maybe, if he wasn't dead, I think. Otherwise, I don't know, go ask Zeff where his grave is, not me. – The hospital, please, take me there, I beg.. you..._ Zoro was choked on the words, he tasted the wind, so salty, oh no it was his tears that he didn't realized they were falling down uncontrollably.

His Sanji... What did he do to his Sanji? What did he do to himself? Why did he let go of the only one who matters in his life? Sanji. Sanji. I'm coming back don't you see? You told me you wanted to see me again, now I am here in town. Sanji. Sanji, _where are you?_


End file.
